Where’s the Happiness?
I hear it all the time - I’ve done what I thought I should, but where’s the happiness? Especially now when so many of us are living at the edge of burnout and are overwhelmed - it’s easy to wonder when the happiness payout will arrive. The bad news is, that that’s not how happiness works. Happiness isn’t a finish line thing - it’s an on the journey thing. The good news, is that there are some things we can do to shift our daily happiness without upending our lives. I had a chance to sit down for a short action-packed conversation with Adam Contos - the CEO of Remax - on his podcast Start With Win about just that. (You can hear the whole episode HERE.) Here are a few of my favorite nuggets from our conversation:
1) Unhappiness and Happiness are like water.
Water is insidious. It seeps every where, into every nook and cranny and even sometimes through seemingly solid surfaces. Unhappiness and Happiness are the same way, they don’t just exist in one space in our lives they infiltrate all the spaces. That is why when we can intentionally create more positive emotional experiences for ourselves it tends to improve our entire situation. I’ve got a couple of short cuts to making that happen and I talk about them in this episode (listen HERE.).
2) Are you overwhelmed or just feeling overwhelmed?
If you’re like so many of us these days maybe you’re ready to throw your hands up and shout “I’m just so overwhelmed!” I’d invite you do a quick check and consider whether you’re actually overwhelmed or whether you’re feeling overwhelmed. What’s the difference? Being overwhelmed means you actually have too much to do, and not enough time to get it done - your cup is literally overflowing. Feeling overwhelmed can happen even when your cup is not too full. Feeling overwhelmed typically happens when you’re attempt to change or do something outside your comfort zone. It is, of course, possible that it’s both. Why does it matter which one it is? Because how you resolve it will depend on its source. If your cup is overflowing, you will need to actually subtract some things to solve your overwhelm. If you’re simply feeling overwhelmed, the solution is more about addressing those nervous system signals and your fears.
3) Tell the story of your fear.
Adam makes the excellent point that fear often keeps us stuck. One of the quickest ways to bust through that stuck place is to tell the story of your fear. Actually say out loud, to another human being - a friend, mentor, coach, therapist or family member - what it is that you’re thinking and feeling. This does several things. Often when we say it out loud we can quickly identify the parts of the story that are based in fact and the parts that are truly just a story. In addition, by expressing it externally we are better able to move and release the energy associated with it.
In case it’s not evident I like to solve problems by simplifying and then providing practical solutions. I think it might even be my superpower. In fact, It’s why I love coaching - because that’s a big part of what coaching is (at least for me).
